Apologetics are just not my thing. I hate getting backed into an apologetic corner.

Yet, tonight, Tiffany is digging into Catholic doctrine, which has some huge theological differences with Protestant doctrine. (Hence the Reformation, you know). Unfortunately, the guy she’s seeing (don’t even ask me about that…) is rabidly Catholic and she’s got a lot of questions.

So, all I had to do was open my big mouth once, and her man and I launched into a theological debate that had me wanting to beat my head against a wall and call in reinforcements (Max). I was relatively insulted (”you don’t know what you’re talking about”) and then reminded of what Max had said early in our relationship - “Debating people who aren’t open to listening is really a waste of time.” And this guy had as much chance of changing my mind as I did his. A complete waste of time.

Still pissed me off.

Called Max like three times today - all for good reasons! - and haven’t heard from him. Guess he’s busy. I even invited him to my church’s evening service. Didn’t really expect him to come. My imagination starts running in overdrive - is he mad at me? Did I do something? Oh geez, Michelle, chill out!

The weirdness all started this morning, when I decided to go back to church after a month of skipping out, due to my frustration and their unfeeling attitude. So I went to a PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) church located in my own municipality - just five minutes from home. The service started at 10:30am, and I arrived just before that. The church was so small - maybe 30 people! The whole time I sat there, I kept thinking This isn’t Covenant. I miss Covenant. Then I heard in my head, Well then, child, go!

I got up in the middle of service and sped to Covenant. I was only 10 minutes late! Funny thing was, I ended up sitting directly behind Audrey. The reason this is funny is that yesterday I took one of her books back to her and dropped it at her house while she was gone. Then out of the blue she called and left a message about how she didn’t know how to call me until now, etc… That was a good sign.

So, during offertory, I leaned forward and hugged her from behind. (Did I mention that I’m sick of how cold my church is?) I told her I loved her, and she said I’m loved too.

After the service, we chatted for a little bit. We caught up on each other’s lives a little. I had the opportunity to tell her what the Lord was doing in mine. She asked if I was dating Max (*sigh*). I told her about the CD. Then I told her that I’d forgiven her. Then she said the weirdest thing. She said she’d forgiven me too. I was a little confused. Last I checked, she hung up on me and then broke all ties.

There I am with the expectations again. Expecting her to be different just because I am. Expecting her to have seen her legalism, her self-righteous attitude, and repented. Those expectations are unrealistic - for me to place on anyone. They are unfair. I need to learn how to meet people where they’re at, and love them. So, of course, she completely grated on my nerves each time I told her something I’d learned, and she’d say, “Oh, I know just where you’re at - I was there in college” (10 years ago). And I wanted to shake her and say, no you don’t - and that’s part of the point! But last I checked, I’m still not the Holy Spirit.

So that was a bittersweet reconciliation. I’m not sure what to do there.

Overall, it’s been a day I could have lived without. Or, at the very least, a day for which I want a “do-over.” Lots I’d change. No debate. No new church. No expectations. Different conversations. It’s a good thing I’m not in charge.

“I’m living for the only thing I know

I’m running and not quite sure where to go

And I don’t know what I’m diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with You

There’s nothing else to lose

There’s nothing else to find

There’s nothing in the world that could change my mind

There is nothing else“

Up in the air,

michelle