Every subject I think to write about is laced with emotions that are really hard to talk about. I want to just comment on the day, but if I ignore the undercurrent of feelings, it will all be superficial. And really, what’s the point of that?

It is safe, I guess.

I did something today I wouldn’t have guessed I’d do in a million years. I called my old best friend Erin … I say old because we were best friends in high school - sophomore and junior year, basically. I thought she was wonderfully eccentric and very yellow. Erin had a kind of magnetism around her that attracted everyone.

It’s so funny, really. I thought talking to her would dredge up all these old memories. But I think I dredged them up during my
inventory in January, and God’s been working on them ever since. There were so many hurts from high school - 15 years ago - that had never healed. And I don’t really think you can be “best friends” with someone and not have them affect your life dramatically. We definitely affected each other rather dramatically.

It was great to talk to her again. I’m not sure exactly why. I think it’s just wonderful to have someone in your life who shares at least part of your memories. I mean, Max went to my high school too (and I never really knew him), but he hung out with the “jocks” and I just really didn’t. His memories of the school are very different from mine. But Erin and I (mostly) hung out with the “drama geeks” - “band geeks” - “debate geeks” … She was the choreographer of the pom squad at our school - a very big deal there - and I was always very proud of her. She would always assure me after Saturday morning marching band practice that we sounded “great” - which was a big ol’ lie, but since I was a “section leader” and part of the band was my responsibility, it always made me feel better.

I have a picture somewhere of me dressed up in her pom outfit. As a total joke.

Okay, as yet another joke, I just scanned it. The year was 1987, and I was 16, so just give me a break, okay? To tell the truth, I’ve always wanted to be able to dance. I think this picture was taken at about 3am, just before Erin tried her damnedest to teach me an 8-count of some routine. Due to the fact I was (and am) all arms and legs, she was fighting a losing battle. But at least it was a memory in the making.

The memories aren’t as frightening as I thought they’d be. All I thought of when I hung up the phone was that it would be so fun to see her again. That’s undeniable progress. Thanks, God.

Max came over tonight for a bit. He had a bit of a “time” last night, apparently. Sometime last week I’d taken my beautiful midnight blue Fender Stratocaster to the loft to play with it. When Javi’s band came to rehearse, I shoved it into the storage room. I must have mentioned it to Max, because he grabbed it last night and apparently very angrily played through every one of his songs. He also recorded a new one - with my guitar. How cool. How totally cool.

I am such a guitar junkie. Give me loud guitars - not screaming, just loud! (e.g. FooMusic, see also Pearl Jam, anything on Stone Temple Pilots’ “No. 4″) Nothing screechy - just a good really dirty (”I’ll Stick Around”) or really clean (”Aurora”) guitar sound.

Anywho, I listened to the new song (fantastic) and another one I hadn’t heard before (again, fantastic). I know I’m completely biased, but to be honest there were a couple in the mix that I just didn’t like. A few of them aren’t very “tight” - I didn’t know that I actually understood that term until I heard the songs tonight. One of them is pretty good, except for the fact that the entire chorus is made up of one line repeated eight times. I arched an eyebrow at him and said, “Guess you really had to struggle for that chorus, huh?” He missed the sarcasm completely. Making up for that icky song, the chorus to one of the songs made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. It was unreal.

Just spent the entire weekend with Justin - that was a treat! Man, I hadn’t seen him in forever and a half, and I never get the opportunity to have him for a weekend. We had a great time together. He is a trip. My coolness level reached new heights when I bought the “Clifford Reading” CD for my computer. (Yes, the big red dog.) We watched videos, we played outside, we messed around with the computer, we ordered pizza. We went to the loft, and Justin got to play on the full drum kit that was there … (ssshhhh!) … as well as Max’s acoustic guitar (which Justin informed me was out of tune). The funniest thing was listening to Justin sing a “newly-written” tune on an unplugged mic. I have a feeling I definitely have a rocker on my hands.

It was a very relaxing weekend, overall. Tomorrow, 125-question review. *sigh*

Something old and something new,

michelle