I have done nothing today except read Dan Allender’s The Wounded Heart and take notes on Max’s laptop about childhood sex abuse and the damage it does to the victim.

It made me want to vomit.

It also made me want to quite literally kill the people who perpetrated the abuse on my friend. Who can do such a thing? To a child?

Childhood sexual abuse causes the victim to work for the rest of his or her life to anesthesize the soul. Put up walls and not let anyone close. It tries to kill the soul’s hunger and longing for relationship, because “it’s not going to happen to me again.” It creates a prison that just becomes normal to the victim. It is a violation of the soul.

This particular couple abused my friend from around age 5 to age 10-ish, and stole a life away. My friend remains locked in a prison of fear and unable to get out. It infuriates me. It breaks my heart. And it definitely tries my faith in God. Why should vengeance be the Lord’s, my heart screams. Why can’t I just kill them and get it over with?

I am filled with trepidation in regards to working through this with my friend. It is such an important subject, something that I am ill-equipped to deal with. But I watch the bars on the prison grow daily, and I refuse to stand idly by when someone needs my help. I will give all I have. No matter what the cost.

I don’t have all the answers. I feel very helpless right now. But I also know that it’s well past time to deal with this. And as much as I ache because I know I’m going to cause my friend to hurt, deep in my heart I know it’s for the best.

Taking a deep breath,

michelle