Off to see Doug and chat about Mike. That was inevitable.

Well, shit. It’s a welcome relief to what we usually talk about!

*grin*

Actually, I just want to have a healthy relationship. I don’t think that’s asking too much. But oh shit, I’m scared! I don’t think I’ve really ever had one. And that’s all I really want.

Doug was great. As usual. He’s decided that Mike’s either a really good guy, or is slicker than shit. I’m hoping on the former.

I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting. So much I don’t want to share here. Especially since I know of an occasional audience that I don’t think really needs to know anything of this.

For his benefit, however, I will say this: Although it’s taken a while - since March - I did have one massive lesson hit home. Finally. If I could go back and change any one night, I would change one particular 12 hour period back in March. One where no one slept, and everyone got hurt.

Suddenly, through Doug’s logic and gently walking me down a path, I completed the circle I hadn’t seen before. What real love looks like. And if I were ready to sacrifice what I want for someone I love. In March, I never completed the circle. I wasn’t ready to sacrifice. And as I had tears on my cheeks in Doug’s office, I realized what love really looks like. What my responsibility that night in March had truly been. And what it felt like to love someone so much you could finally make the sacrifice.

If I had that 12 hour period back, the sacrifice would be made, easily. Without hesitation.

It was hours and hours after the appointment before I could let all of it land in my head and my heart.

Before there was peace there.

Blinders off,

michelle