Memories have haunted me all day long. It seems like I am having a nasty episode of “Connect the Dots” today. Everything I see, everything I experience, is reminding me of That Time. Music I hear, places I visit, sights I see. It’s oddly pervasive.

I am not looking for this. As a matter of fact, when I realize what I’m doing, it makes me furious at myself. He’d like that book, I’ll think. I wonder what he thinks about that subject? At one point I even reached for my phone. It’s like walking around semi-comatose, but the conscious part of me loathes it.

Maybe it’s just the ever-present feeling of loneliness and emptiness playing tricks on me. If that’s the last time I felt needed and safe (as safe as I could feel) then of course that’s where my mind will wander off to. But do I like it? Hell, no.

The big question, then, would be how do I change it? For some reason, this is the one that always leaves me hanging.

Clueless,

michelle