“They celebrate some creepy guy who’s dead!” - Justin, telling me about his trip to Memphis.

I started my day by fighting with Javier’s web site, trying to make the notify list work. It was the first thing I thought about when my alarm went off. He’s truly a musician, and makes me smile. He was all worked up about the e-mail system, and I don’t blame him. It was just fun to work with a creative person again. They provide the drama, while I provide the results.

During the midst of writing a frustrated e-mail to a frustrated Javier, I received the phone call I’d been dreading the most: a large deal I’d been praying for, totalling nearly half a million dollars, was awarded to a competitor.

At this point I abruptly ended my e-mail to Javi and stormed out the door.

In the six minute drive to work, I’d decided I was sooooo done with this job. I would find a way to accept having a boss again. I would find a way to be content with doing something less challenging, less tiring, and less meaningful. I am sick to death of feeling like the Catcher in the Rye.

“You know what I’d like to be? I mean if I had any goddam choice?…You know that song ‘If a body catch a body comin’ through the rye’? I’d like - ”

“It’s ‘If a body meet a body coming through the rye’!” old Phoebe said. “It’s a poem. By Robert Burns.”…

“I thought it was ‘If a body catch a body,’” I said. “Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy.”

The account I lost decided on my competitor because they could give the account more yield TODAY without regard for what they account will look like TOMORROW. Today, when interest rates are at a 45-year low. They sat there yapping at me about how they wanted to be really safe and shit, when all they really wanted was a sweet bottom line. They didn’t care about safety or quality. What the fuck was I thinking?

When will I quit giving humanity the benefit of the doubt? Really, it’s ridiculous.

So Brian (my mentee who is kicking my ass) came to rescue me from my bad news. He took me out to lunch and let me yammer for a while about my woes. When he dropped me at my office, he said, “Now, don’t quit. I mean, of course you should do what you want and what you think is right, and I’m right there behind you. Just, don’t quit.”

I grinned as he drove off.

My last appointment of the day restored a small portion of my lack of faith in humanity by actually listening to me and investing. Wow, weirdness. Then my appointment with Doug wasn’t too awful. I confessed that I’d called Max - or, tried to call him, that is - over the weekend. I really want to talk to him, and I’m not sure why.

Eh.

As of this writing, I have spent 4hrs45min this evening working on Javi’s site, to no avail. Tomorrow I will have a copy of Macromedia’s Studio MX Plus (Dreamweaver, Fireworks, ColdFusion, Flash, etc) and will begin the new JMB site in earnest. Until then, I will try not to strangle anyone.

And besides, Justin came home today! Hooray!

Dragging,

michelle