Every time I think about travelling to Australia I get a knot in my stomach.

It’s not that I’m not excited. Really. Okay, maybe right now I’m not excited, and I feel guilty. I’m not dreading it by any stretch - it just seems so very far away. Well, okay, and I’m worried.

I’m worried my poor little brain will explode from overstimulation. I’m worried I’ll get sick. What if I can’t drink the water? My system is kind of sensitive sometimes. What if I hate it? What if people sound so … Australian that I have to ask them to repeat themselves, slower and with less accent?

What if I run out of money? Meds? What if I miss my kid and my dog and get homesick? What if I need a couple hours to myself to recharge?

What if nobody likes me?

Every once in a while I pick up my Lonely Planet book about Melbourne and flip through it, but nothing sounds fun. I’m nuts, that’s got to be it.

I think I’m suppressing my excitement for fear I’ll go crazy before two months pass. I’m trying to avoid thinking about it, because I’ll get it so built up in my head that there’s no way any trip could live up to my soon-to-be-created mindlessly unrealistic expectations.

I’m a homebody at heart. I’m a day traveller. I love airplanes and airports and rental cars and hotels - for a few days. Then I’m jonesing to be home, tucked in my tiny den in front of the computer with my kid sleeping in the next room and my dog at my feet.

I dunno. Maybe there’s just SO MUCH going on between now and November 19th that I can’t even begin to give it much thought. My passport is on its way for renewal, the visa application is complete, airline tickets confirmed, and there’s not much else to do for a while. Between now and then I have to start studying for my CFP exam, build Javier Mendoza’s new web site from the ground up, launch his new message board, update/upgrade RealityFuel’s message board, update RF altogether, prepare for NaNoWriMo, write NaNoWriMo, and work my ass off to make enough money to be out of the country for nine workdays.

Okay, I’m still stressing. That makes me feel better. (?) I’m stressing about everything else, and I’m not losing my mind. Excellent. I think I can sleep now.

Insane in the brain,

michelle