Teach Me How to Breathe

Sunday, December 28th, 2003
working resolutions
working for control
working for a feeling I want to ignore

Shopping in the afternoon didn’t quite go as planned. I was on the hunt for something cute to wear, and that’s a tough mission two days after Christmas. I settled on a red sweater and made my way back home, trying not to count the minutes until he’d be at my door.

searching for solutions
searching for a creed
searching for someone to teach me how to breathe

By T - 30, I put in a panicked call to Australia. Jen reminded me that I’m “special” (seriously) and for some reason that calmed me down. Mostly. At 5:29p, I had my boots on, hair done, had changed earrings twice, and completed the lipstick. At the very last second I noticed the broom leaning against the wall, and my dining room table covered in odds and ends. I rushed to stack the junk on a chair that I hoped he wouldn’t see, and tried to send the broom sliding down the (carpeted) stairs to the basement. (It didn’t work.)

don’t want to close my eyes anymore
I want to feel uncomfortable with you

When I opened the door, my stomach flipped over. I managed to ask him how his day went twice, which didn’t pass his notice. Luckily though, he made two wrong turns before we arrived at the restaurant, so we were pretty much even.  ::grin::

I had fun. I really, truly did. He is funny and charming (without trying to be, which is even more charming) and handsome and interesting and witty and intelligent. And fascinating.

I knew that any guy who created Diary-X would be fascinating to me. But Stephen isn’t all about any one thing. There are layers there. Colors, maybe? I’m having a hard time describing what I mean.

your insecurity has walked inside of me
and you’re so beautiful
your vulnerability is so empowering
and you make me feel beautiful

He killed the car. We were entering the parking lot of The Repertory Theatre, and had to stop to pay for parking. Then he killed the car. But then he commented on it - an easy and wry, “That’s embarrassing” that made me smile. It was totally endearing. (Or charming? Damn, I can’t come up with the right words.)

He is easy to talk to, and even easier to listen to. And he’s not perfect, thank God. And when he left my house last night, I sighed. And smiled. It was nearly perfect imperfection.

falling from perfection
planting a new seed
looking for redemption to satisfy a need

don’t want to be afraid to love
to hear, to say, to know it all
don’t want to wait for a sign from above
just need to hear my heart say
your insecurity has walked inside of me
and you’re so beautiful
your vulnerability is so empowering
and you make me feel beautiful

Feeling beautiful,
michelle