I don’t wanna share.

This is not usual. Generally I’ll share anything, doesn’t matter how large or how small. But right now, I don’t want anyone else to know.

I have a treasure in my hand. A twinkling light that is tiny, but not fragile. A light that smiles at me. The closer to my heart I hold this light, the brighter it shines. The further away, the dimmer it gets - still smiling, but not fully. This particular light is not ready to be shared with the world. One day it will spill over and light the entire sky.

But not yet.

Right now I need to concentrate on keeping my palm lifted toward the sky, with fingers spread open. This light doesn’t enjoy a clenched fist. No matter what kind of gut reaction I have, no matter what the habit, I refuse to hold it tightly.

Any overthinking has led me right back to the center of the universe. All paths lead to God. Trying to discern whether this treasure in my hand is a good and perfect gift is not a job for me alone. I must take my True Love’s hand and remain with Him. I must trust Him with everything, including the light I’m holding.

Some struggle to trust human beings, but that is a futile struggle. There is no real trust to be had between human beings, because we’re all making mistakes left and right, and we’re all tempted by everything everywhere. Giving over complete trust to another fallible human being is so wasteful and hurtful. But giving over trust to God is essential. Perfectly lacking in ulterior motives, perfectly loving, perfectly trustworthy.

Time doesn’t heal, and time doesn’t cement. Lives are woven together by only One. And now there’s the waiting - not for time to pass, but for events to take place. Questions and answers. Seeking and finding. Meshing and breaking.

And right now, I don’t want to sully it all by sharing.

Quiet,
michelle