A friend of mine from work buried her husband of 24 years today. It was unbelievably difficult to watch. I’m not sure how he died; we received notification at work of the graveside service and that’s about it. She’s around 45, and we think he was around 50. They have three kids - two in college and one starting kindergarten. My heart just broke to watch that family put him in the ground.

The practical side of me kicked in while the emotional part of my let tears run down my face. What will she do now? How much insurance did he have? Will she be able to live? What about the kids? College? Will she keep working? Can she? I can’t imagine the effort it would take to go back to work if Stephen died. I can’t even imagine the effort it would take to merely get out of bed if that were to happen.

The spiritual side of me kicked in as well, reminding me that you can’t build your life on someone, unless it’s Jesus. The funeral was a harsh reminder that people come and go mere instants. If you build your foundation on something so temporary, there will probably come a day it will fail you. What will you be standing on then? I realized it is so much easier to build my life on Stephen. I also realized I couldn’t do that anymore.

I had a client take out a long term care insurance policy about a year ago, then decide to cancel it. Her logic was that her “spirituality” dictated that if you planned for it, it would happen. That’s ridiculous. My friend Joe was at the funeral, and said what I’d been thinking - will she be able to maintain the lifestyle she was used to? (It wasn’t an extravagant lifestyle, just a normal one.) We’ve all had young clients die with no insurance, leaving their spouse without their income, without benefits, and with debt (because what would our generation be without $10k in credit card debt and two car payments?). Life insurance can be so cheap. It’s so stupid to be without it if someone is counting on your income to live.

Obviously I don’t know what their situation is like, and I’m not about to pry. But I am even more determined to pry into the lives of my clients (and my family, come to think of it) to make sure everyone understands the need to be prepared. Even just the need to let your spouse know your wishes when you die. I had to ask S. because I didn’t know what he wanted. I’m also going to take some time to write out what I want. Why is it so strange to plan for your death while you’re in your thirties. It seems to make sense to me - because who really thinks they’re going to die when they are my age? We all feel immortal, so we can talk about death more nonchalantly than if we were all eighty and staring death in the eye.

Then again, what do I know? Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who thinks about such things, and plans for them. Death, retirement, etc. It makes me wonder what the world will be like when my generation gets old. Actually, it makes me shudder thinking about it!

The funeral was a good wake-up call, though. Time to write some living wills and last wishes.

Not morbid, but practical,
michelle