I enjoy July. With my birthday less than 30 days away, it’s a time of full-fledged denial that lets me pretend that I’m just in it for the presents. But today, I was wrenched back into reality - nearly head-first into a mid-life crisis.

It started innocently - a date marked on the calendar for over two months that somehow snuck up on me in record time. There it was, marked in purple: Orthodontist, 9am.

Justin was better about this than I was. The conversation in the van went something like this:

Me:        Don’t worry, you’ll be just fine.
Justin:   I’m not worried, Mom.
Me:        You’ll have the greatest smile ever after this is over.
Justin:   I’ll be fine, Mom.
Me:        I don’t think it will take too long. If it starts bothering you, just let me know.
Justin:   Mom, you’re driving me crazy.

As I sat in the chair next to him at the orthodontist’s, I noticed how big his hands and feet are. Like a German Shepherd puppy whose paws are enormous. Then I noticed his cheeks don’t really have that cute baby fat on them anymore. And he’s getting long and lanky. And, holy shit, he’s almost 13.

I never authorized that.

Justin’s at an age where he can’t quite decide if he’s an all-grown-up teenager or if he’s still a kid. He has his moments where he wants to be tucked into bed, but he also has that classic teen-aged eye roll down pat. I try to remember what life was like when I was his age, and all I remember is being nuts over the Steamers indoor soccer team and desperately anticipating my 13th birthday. That frustrates me, too, because I always swore I’d remember what it was like to be [fill in the age] because my parents didn’t seem to have been kids at any point. [Imagine my surprise when I found their O'Fallon Tech High School yearbooks one day. Huh.]

This evening his teeth hurt like the devil and I tried to provide suggestions to help, but they pretty much fell on deaf (near-teenaged) ears. It was at that time that I saw that this person standing in front of me, who I labored with for 22 1/2 hours, who took his first steps with me and whose scrapes I’ve kissed, is taking steps towards independence that I didn’t realize I’m not ready for.

All this from braces. ‘Twas a big day indeed. I’m just not sure for whom.

Growing up again again again,
-michelle