Writing Molehills Become Mountains

Yes, I'm doing it again. I have several entries from my time in Australia that I want to go back about. I keep thinking, okay, when I have a nice long and quiet time, I'll go back and write the best entries the world has ever seen. Then I'll go back to the ones I've already written and edit them to include everything I wanted to say, instead of just what I could remember at the time. Then I get so wound up about "the perfect entry" that I can't find a time I feel I could actually write it.

This isn't good.

My time in Australia gave me time to think, and see how I've packed my life so full of projects that I don't have time for a life. It all became to simple there. Jen's a bit of a ... control freak (and she knows I love that about her!) so I didn't have to think too much about what we were doing. I had enough money to spend so that I wasn't fretting about that. We had lots to do, so I was never bored, but rarely was I as worn down as I get when I'm at home.

We never missed a meal (!) so I never felt sick like I have for the past several months. All my bills had been taken care of before I left, so there was nothing to worry I'd forgotten. The Dow Jones could have fallen off a cliff and I wouldn't have cared, or even noticed (much). And suddenly I felt so much better.

I vowed to come home and unknot my life. Simplicity is the new rule, the new fashion. And then I actually get home and realize I must've been smoking crack. I had a stack of mail 9in high. I had about 30 calls to return at work. Christmas is here, so the baking/cooking/cleaning/decorating/wrapping/shopping that comes with that is weighing on me. Javi's site needs to be done by December 31st, and I've finally decided to put off my Income Tax exam for the CFP designation until next quarter (even though it will cost me $125 to do that). Justin's IEP needs to be updated at school, and I'm afraid this year we will have a bit of frustration all around with the staff when we create it, because I'm not going to be a pushover this time. I have my annual client open house on the 16th, and I make all the food. If I manage a gross of $16,742 for the month I'll make it to the next segment early (which sounds like Greek to anyone who's not me, but suffice it to say that it's a goal I thought wouldn't happen). Trouble is, that amount of money would be my second-best-month-ever. (In other words, not likely without working myself sick.)

And all this is only December.

Sometimes I wonder why I push myself like this. Am I running to something, or away from something? I haven't seen Doug in months, so I've let myself slide on the self-analyzation side of things. Keep life full enough and you don't feel how much you miss having another adult around? Keep life busy and you don't have time to miss having friends or seeing someone?

Do I really want to get into that at this juncture?

Crazy times, crazy lady,
michelle

Posted by Michelle at December 7, 2003 11:49 PM | TrackBack