One is Not Indicative

It isn't fair. My perpetual overload of things to do is not allowing me to update my journal, which is weird because I used to spend the majority of my life on the computer. My, how things change.

There are so many things on my mind. A good example is Javi's site. I swear to Heaven above, it's never going to be completed. I am facing a massive deadline with the new CD and the March 06th CD Release Party. Stephen thinks we can have it done by this weekend. Of course, I'd hoped for sooner, but I suppose that's the best I get. I just have to have all my pieces to him asap. Of course.

Another thing that's bugging me is that there are people reading this site that don't know I can use this journal for my most wicked temper-tantrums. An example of this would be the last three entries, where I had a snit and posted information completely out of context. Between my journal and Stephen's journal, it would seem that all we do is fight. On the contrary, I think we argue so little that it's rather momentous when we do. And the thing that's not always expressed is that I'm pretty amazed at the way we end up working things out. There's always an icky tension in the middle, but it never lasts long, because we communicate. It's the most amazing thing.

However, when people read this site and don't understand that this is just a tiny part of me, it bums me out. Many times, when there's no one else to vent to, I'll vent in writing. (I've written about all this before.) I'll admit, I'm no reporter. I don't even bother trying to get the whole story right, or get all the facts listed out. It's my tantrum and my journal and I'll write what I want. Right? But lately, I have to be conscious that I have an audience who knows very little about me.

This site just can't be the purveyor of all things Michelle.

I was just sitting here thinking that maybe I should explain the Great Valentine's Day NonProposal Disagreement, but it just makes me tired to think of trying to explain something that both Stephen and I are well past. So I think I'll just let it die, and hope that if anyone is curious about what really happens in my life, they'll just ask.

Had a dream last night that I had a little girl. The dream revolved around Stephen's brothers and my dad. No idea what that was all about. The girl was maybe nine months old, and my dad and I were arguing. That's pretty par for the course in my dreams.

I'm feeling so disconnected from everything for some reason. Perhaps my life is truly more boring than I thought. Or maybe I'm just so overwhelmed by everything that I just want to hide. Or maybe I'll just go find Law & Order SVU on somewhere and try to hold off the panic with a good case of vegging.

Brilliantly,
michelle

Posted by Michelle at February 22, 2004 09:18 PM | TrackBack