Rusted and Weathered

Be careful what you wish for ... you just might find him.

Today was just such an odd day all around, I don't know what angle to come from. Maybe there's no "angle" at all. Early morning meeting with Doug - I blathered on and on about The Assembly and answered prayers. That was pretty cool. The part that wasn't terribly cool was that he ended up trying to pick at some pieces of 1998, and I realized just how deeply I've buried them.

For example, I'd hear what he'd say or ask, and then continue on as if he'd never spoken. He finally just gave up, and laughed at me instead. Whatever. He asked how thick the walls are that protect that time in my life. I smiled ruefully and replied, "thick."

Me ... I’m rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I’m covered with skin that peels and it just won’t heal

After telling Doug the "Story of '98" I'm feeling more than a little exposed, so I decide to come home and check my e-mail. Lo and behold, in the middle of my pile of e-mails from ex-members of the Assembly, there is one that tells me where my friend is and what he's up to. A phone number, even. And it tells me he's engaged.

I don't really know why that was a shock to my system. I think it was just extraordinarily bad timing, as I'd just been explaining to Doug the difference between this friend and Max. One is evil, one is not, I explained. There's a difference between a normal sinner and an evil person, and today I could juxtapose the two of these men and see how glaringly obvious the difference is. But... ugh.

Ninety percent of me says, "Yea! Congrats!" But that last part of me weeps. (Or, perhaps more specifically, wept in the bathtub for a while.) Maybe it was just the shock of hearing it. Who knows.

The day reminds me of You
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends -
One day we die

There's more to this story, but nothing I'm prepared to talk about quite yet. God has strapped that leash on me and is dragging me behind the car at 30mph again.  ::sigh::   We'll see what happens. But right now, I'm walking very carefully.

Look, ma! Somewhere along the line, I grew up!

Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight

Still praising God,
michelle

Posted by Michelle at January 24, 2003 09:58 PM