Personally Yours

My buddy Joe and I went for a beer after work yesterday. I sat at the bar, cigarette in one hand, margarita in front of me, blathering on and on and on about what God's done in my life. Joe was amused.

I can't really remember how we ended up on the subject of my love life, but we did. Joe's idea was to put an ad in the Riverfront Times, a local St. Louis ... er ... liberal weekly free paper. It's great for artsy folk, liberal folk, musician folk... Aah. Now I could see where Joe was going.

After a long discussion about match.com and my faith, he determined this would be it. Just mention God in the ad a couple times, he said, and you'll be set. There have to be other Christian musicians in this world with tattoos and earrings and shit!

Oh, okay Joe.

I joked with him that maybe I would, just to see what happens. In his dry, snotty way he said, "Yeah okay if it makes you feel better to call it a joke, then whatever. Just do it."

Pfft.

So, in honor of Joe, I thought I would start crafting my personal ad, and see where it goes.

SWF seeks SWM for LTR. 31, reasonably fit, reasonably cute, have 7yo son. Christian. Enjoys music, finance, computers and emotional rollercoasters. Prefer temperamental, moody musician with no sense of responsibility whatsoever. Dysfunctional past a MUST. Prefer delusions of spiritual superiority. If no messianic complex, then prefer martyr complex. Cult experience a plus. Must be intelligent and able to hold long conversations to suck me in. Must also be able to forget about me for long periods at a time. Selfish, narcissistic, self-serving attitude GOOD, borderline personality disorder GREAT! Dysfunctional relationship with another girlfriend a plus. Must be tall, dark-haired, with blue eyes, and have a birthday of either December 23rd or December 25th. Will accept December 24th if necessary. Nasty temper required.

Checking the personals,
michelle

Posted by Michelle at January 25, 2003 10:14 PM